Entries Tagged as 'Sex'

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Game ON, Chelsea Handler!

So Chelsea Handler, my rival for the title of Bestsellingest Female Humor Writer, has upped the game by posing naked — yes, I mean totally nude, as in without any clothes — for Playboy.  She revealed a Godzilla-sized picture of herself on the magazine’s cover on Leno the other night.  Chelsea is obviously so desperately […]

Monday, October 20th, 2008

#132: LOL, Don’t Lust At The Palin Porn Video

I saw the first minute of Who’s Nailin’ Paylin this morning on the home page of The Daily Beast and I was so tickled I couldn’t resist posting a version of my very own, especially since “Sarah Palin MILF” seems to be one of the main search terms that drives people to HNTAO.  I can […]

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

#126: Do Not Audition for the Sarah Palin Porn Film

You think I made this up? I WISH I were that creative. No, according to 23/6, porn filmmakers actually put out a casting call for Sarah Palin lookalikes, so the film may be coming to a dirty website near you by Election Day. I suppose I should find it cheering that the porn industry wants […]

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

#124: Gotta Love Those Entourage Boys

I was walking down the street the other day — yes, right here in New Jersey — and there coming toward me were Vince, Turtle, Drama, Ari, and E. I tried waving to them, then leaping in front of them, and finally, in an attempt to get their attention, whipped off my turtleneck, sweatpants, and […]

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

#122: Throw Off the Middle-Aged Burka

When exactly did the imams sweep through my town in suburban New Jersey and decree that every woman over the age of 40 had to chop off her hair, wash off her makeup, and start dressing in baggy black or beige linen or flannel, buttoned up to the neck, hanging down to the ground, and […]

Friday, September 5th, 2008

#120: Neutralize Your Crazy Old Sperm

Yes, John McCain, I’m talking to you. Lest you and Cindy decide that a fifth child would provide, ala Palin, a political advantage, I direct your attention to this new study that shows that children of fathers over 55 are more likely to develop bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. Maternal age, I hasten to […]

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

#s105-116: How Not To Vacation Old, Part See Ya Later

This is my last post until after Labor Day because I’m going on vacation. Well, I’m not going on vacation. In the second of eight straight years of paying college tuition, I can’t afford a vacation. But HNTAO is going on vacation. By itself. On a cruise. Except it’s pretending it’s going to Vegas. When […]

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

#72: C’mon, Tell Us All About Your Sex Life

How often do you have sex? Do you have orgasms? Only when you masturbate or during intercourse too? What exactly makes you come? How do you move, what do you think about, how long does it take? What? What’s that you say? That information is too personal? Well, you must be over 40. Which details […]

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

#62: Don’t Be Shocked By A Touch of Girl-On-Girl

Hold onto your knickers, Grandma: Lots of girls kiss other girls these days. And I’m not talking air kisses. And I mean straight girls. I mean very straight girls, such as pledged virgins who are looking to explore the boundaries of their sexuality without crossing over that thin pink line. Cue old people style reminiscence: […]

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

#59: Don’t Bogart That Watermelon

Breaking July 4th warning: Eating watermelon, says a new study, can have the same effect as popping Viagra. Yes, ladies and gents, the aging males at your holiday picnic may discover a new fondness for the large pink fruit. The secret ingredient is something called citrulline, according to news reports, and eating a lot of […]

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