I know what you do on Saturday nights. Or, if your kids are old enough to sleep in, Saturday or Sunday mornings. You have sex, or should I say, you fulfill your conjugal duty. Let me just assure you that I agree there are lots of good reasons to corral sex into a regular, convenient […]
All right, you know you’re not supposed to wear granny panties. But what’s wrong with bikinis? Why does acting young have to mean wearing a thong? Thongs are…..uncomfortable. Even the ones that are supposed to be comfortable are uncomfortable. They make you feel like you have an intractable wedgie. Plus, they make you feel completely […]
When you were 13, you had the hugest crush on the lifeguard, who totally ignored you. Then, when you were 19 or 23, the lifeguard may have lusted after you, but you decided he or she was too immature to warrant your attention. When you were 35, you were too busy making sure the kids […]
It’s not the act of copulation that’s the problem; it’s calling it “making love.” Or “sleeping with.” Or “getting it on.” When young people “do it,” they usually come right out and say “having sex.” Or sometimes (see #6), “hooking up.” Bone, jump, and play may be related words, but I only know that because […]
OK, guys, I’m not talking to you. I’ve never encountered a male of any age who hated sex. It’s some women over a certain age who complain about sex, avoid having sex, and deep down just don’t like it. Naturally, this is a bigger problem than acting old. It’s evidence of some heavy repression. Or […]
Listen, you can have all the best work in the world done. You can get botoxed and Restalyned till you’re smooth as a balloon; you can have your boobs lifted to your chin and your tummy tucked into your backbone. But if you don’t wax down there, anybody who gets close enough is going to […]
Sigh. I know, I know. I used to love Paul too. I lay on my bed with the radio pressed to my ear, singing along to “I Want To Hold Your Hand.” Wooo! I wrote Paul a letter trying to persuade him that the difference in our ages and circumstances wouldn’t and shouldn’t stand in […]
Admit it: You don’t really know what hookup (or hook-up or hook up) means. Is it meeting for coffee? Kissing? Having sex? Watching television together? Or getting engaged? The point is that you should avoid doing or even saying anything if you’re not certain of the implications. As cool and casual as it may make […]
