Entries Tagged as 'women'

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

#136: Take Off That Store-Boughten Underwear: A Shocking Report from the Land of the Young

Okay, I’m sorry, all you young ‘uns reading this post, but there’s no way for me to tell this story correctly except via an old person-style long and convoluted anecdote. But first, to tantalize you about what’s ahead and to keep you interested, I offer the following visual clue: Now that I have your attention, […]

Monday, October 6th, 2008

#127: Do A Web Startup…..I Mean, Don’t Do A Web Startup…..I Mean, Do A…..Oh, Never Mind. Just Go Read The Daily Beast

Forget your stock market panic, repress your Palin-phobia, and reawaken your lust for life by discovering The Daily Beast, Tina Brown’s big new web site that launched today. What’s so thrilling? Besides being a gorgeous site with an amazing array of talent behind it (hi, Henry; hi, Bonnie), the most heartening aspect of the whole […]

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

#122: Throw Off the Middle-Aged Burka

When exactly did the imams sweep through my town in suburban New Jersey and decree that every woman over the age of 40 had to chop off her hair, wash off her makeup, and start dressing in baggy black or beige linen or flannel, buttoned up to the neck, hanging down to the ground, and […]

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

#118: Stop Talking About Menopause

There is a kind of girl who’s always liked to talk about her period: How she can’t wait to get it, when she’s having it, how bad her cramps are, where she buys her tampax, whether she’s late, how heavy her flow is, when it’s slowing down, and what it feels like when it stops […]

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

#72: C’mon, Tell Us All About Your Sex Life

How often do you have sex? Do you have orgasms? Only when you masturbate or during intercourse too? What exactly makes you come? How do you move, what do you think about, how long does it take? What? What’s that you say? That information is too personal? Well, you must be over 40. Which details […]

Monday, July 14th, 2008

#65: Screw the Housework

You get married, you buy a house, you have kids, and even if you keep working (obviously I’m talking to the women here), somehow it becomes all about the housework. Here’s what I mean: Ask a 52-year-old woman to describe her perfect man, and somehow housework will creep into the description. He’s great in bed, […]

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

#62: Don’t Be Shocked By A Touch of Girl-On-Girl

Hold onto your knickers, Grandma: Lots of girls kiss other girls these days. And I’m not talking air kisses. And I mean straight girls. I mean very straight girls, such as pledged virgins who are looking to explore the boundaries of their sexuality without crossing over that thin pink line. Cue old people style reminiscence: […]

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

#48: Enough With The Man-Bashing

Sad, isn’t it? I mean, there go half my jokes. And nearly all my fun. That’s right, it’s time to retire those quips about male refrigerator blindness and brains in penises. But before we declare an absolute moratorium, let me just tell you my favorite man-bashing joke, first relayed to me by the divine Mave […]

Blog Widget by LinkWithin