Entries Tagged as 'men'

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

#146: Don’t Dress Up. I Mean, Don’t Dress Down.

Everything boomers do is bad.  You know that, right?  Not only are boomers selfish, greedy, boring, and disgusting, but, worst of all, they’re deeply unfashionable. Witness today’s incredibly offensive piece in the New York Times Style section on Dressing for Success, Again.  It wasn’t enough for the writer to make the point that young men […]

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

#128: Step Away From The Giant Pumpkin

This morning’s Today Show brings news of Steve Connolly (that’s NOT him, by the way, in the picture), a 53-year old Rhode Island manufacturing engineer who thinks he might have grown the world’s largest pumpkin, at 1900 pounds. Connolly calls competitive pumpkin-growing “just middle-aged guys having fun.” Until about eight minutes ago, I didn’t know […]

Friday, September 5th, 2008

#120: Neutralize Your Crazy Old Sperm

Yes, John McCain, I’m talking to you. Lest you and Cindy decide that a fifth child would provide, ala Palin, a political advantage, I direct your attention to this new study that shows that children of fathers over 55 are more likely to develop bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. Maternal age, I hasten to […]

Monday, July 14th, 2008

#65: Screw the Housework

You get married, you buy a house, you have kids, and even if you keep working (obviously I’m talking to the women here), somehow it becomes all about the housework. Here’s what I mean: Ask a 52-year-old woman to describe her perfect man, and somehow housework will creep into the description. He’s great in bed, […]

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

#61: Know The Difference Between A Brotha and A Bro

Here is one of those weird cultural distinctions that almost every young person knows (my son Owen first enlightened me) and most old people are unaware of. What’s a Bro? And how is that different from a Brotha and a Brother — not to mention a brother from another mother and a brother from another […]

Monday, July 7th, 2008

#60: Garage Your Hog

Having just returned from a 700-mile road trip, I can tell you with certainty that every motorcyclist on the American highway is at least 56 years old. All the biker babes have Nice ‘N’ Easy covering their gray and pot bellies straining against their leather pants. Motorcyclists may think that roaring along on a hog […]

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

#59: Don’t Bogart That Watermelon

Breaking July 4th warning: Eating watermelon, says a new study, can have the same effect as popping Viagra. Yes, ladies and gents, the aging males at your holiday picnic may discover a new fondness for the large pink fruit. The secret ingredient is something called citrulline, according to news reports, and eating a lot of […]

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

#48: Enough With The Man-Bashing

Sad, isn’t it? I mean, there go half my jokes. And nearly all my fun. That’s right, it’s time to retire those quips about male refrigerator blindness and brains in penises. But before we declare an absolute moratorium, let me just tell you my favorite man-bashing joke, first relayed to me by the divine Mave […]

Tuesday, June 17th, 2008

#26: Shave The Mustache

I might have said Don’t Grow A Goatee, but my husband has a goatee and he looks pretty good in it, or at least he’s had it so long we’re afraid to see what he looks like without it. So I’ll hold the line here at mustache. Mustaches are the facial hair of cops and […]

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