Monday, July 4th, 2011...9:34 am
#157: Don’t Fear the Wrong
Some old people, even some who are not my husband, are so afraid of being wrong — of feeling insecure, inexpert, foolish, stupid, whatever — that they work very hard at being right all the time. Or at least, at not being wrong, not doing or saying the wrong thing.
What’s, well, wrong with that?, you may ask. I mean, now that your ass has fallen, your gums have receded, your memory is shot, and your kids hate you, haven’t you earned the right to at least know what you’re doing? Being able to roast a perfect chicken without a recipe or a meat thermometer, rattling off the capital of North Dakota without the aid of Wikipedia — this sort of all-around expertise is all you’ve got left, goddammit!
But, according to Alina Tugend, author of the wonderful new book Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong, our fear of being wrong and our need to be right can actually hold us — and yeah, that means you, honey — back in life.
“If you live in constant terror of goofing up, research has shown you’re less likely to be take risks and be creative,” Tugend says. “Those who fear goofing up also have a hard time listening to any kind of negative feedback, and therefore don’t learn from their errors and move forward – on the job and in life.”
At the same time I was mulling the wisdom of Tugend’s book, business guru Seth Godin sent out this blog post with a similar message: Fear of being wrong can keep you from taking the kinds of chances required to improve your life.
The good news, according to Tugend: As you get older, you can actually become more willing to let go of wrong-o-phobia and so take positive risks. “I actually find it easier to move out of my comfort zone in trying new things than I used to because I’m not AS worried about what people think,” she says. “That doesn’t mean I’ll embrace looking like a fool, but the benefits of learning something new – if it’s something I really want to learn – outweighs the fear of failing.”
9 Comments
July 5th, 2011 at 9:04 am
I’ve gotten less and less wary of being wrong, and I always thought that the older we get the less afraid we are to make mistakes. I’m glad to hear that it is as good a personality trait as I always hoped.
July 5th, 2011 at 10:50 am
[...] Do we fear mistakes more as we get older? [...]
July 5th, 2011 at 8:47 pm
I think as you become older & more fragile (physically)
it is a survival instinct to be more wary, as opposed to thinking, “hey, I really think I can take up skateboarding…ooops! I was wrong!”
result: broken ego & broken hip.
July 6th, 2011 at 2:36 pm
thanks for the post but it just seems wrong.
July 14th, 2011 at 3:52 am
It’s true, about not being afraid of being wrong. That and comfortable shoes will get you far, and let you enjoy the journey.
November 5th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Great post! As we grow old we all have earned the right to be ourselves. Those of us who blog know this time honored secret. It is what it is!
Take care!
Cards6
November 21st, 2011 at 10:28 pm
I just spent the morning creating pages on Facebook and then deleting them…after I had invited a lot of people to come visit. They may understand and they may not. At my age (70) I just really don’t care. Fear of failure disappeared somewhere along the way. I like that a lot.
Great post.
Thank you.
b
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Retired-Women-Venus/139712009469395
Facebook page
Blog: http://www.retireinstyleblog
December 29th, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Too funny! Being right all of the time sounds like a lot of work. It’s good to be wrong once in a while. It keeps you grounded.
January 17th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
It seems like I missed the fear of failure gene. The problem seem to be that without the wisdom you gain as you get old, continuously taking risks seems a little more dangerous. At least it has been for me!
Leave a Reply