Friday, July 10th, 2009...5:36 pm

We’re Number….uh, 2!

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How Not To Act Old is the Number 2 Bestselling Humor Book on Barnes & Noble’s website and Number 9 on Amazon’s, which is pretty, yes, awesome considering that over at the only one ahead of me is that bitch hilarious writer Chelsea Handler, who is tall, blonde, young, a former 14th runner-up in a New Jersey Miss Teen USA pageant, and has her own TV show.

Plus, don’t tell anybody, but I hear she drinks and sleeps around.

Right, dude, that’s what it takes to come out ahead of me.  But I warn you, Chelsea, I’ve been at this longer than you and my boobs are realer than I suspect yours are, which we all know is a prime ingredient of female success.  Also, my audience reads more, has more money, and is way more desperate for a good laugh.  You, girl, are going down.

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