What is it that makes middle-aged women not only run out en masse and get dogs, but become more attached to their dogs than to, say, their husbands and children? To spend more money on an automatic dog feeder than on home dinners? Never mind, don’t answer that, I know what: The dogs actually like […]
As How Not To Act Old dictates go, this one is a tad sanctimonious, a bit fifty-and-fantabulous, a little “Yeah, you old, but you still got the mojo, Mama!” And you know, we don’t buy that bullshit around here. We’re all about: Sure, we’re a little bit wiser, but our tits are saggy and we […]
Some old people, even some who are not my husband, are so afraid of being wrong — of feeling insecure, inexpert, foolish, stupid, whatever — that they work very hard at being right all the time. Or at least, at not being wrong, not doing or saying the wrong thing. What’s, well, wrong with that?, […]
During one of my random tours of Twitter the other day (how are you supposed to use that thing?), I happened to notice that @EpsteinLiterary, aka literary agent Kate Epstein, claimed she’d sold her house in less than a day using the advice in a book she’d represented, Okay, excuse the dangling sentence there, but […]
OK, this may seem like an odd directive. Why not: Don’t read trashy novels? Or maybe: Don’t read any kind of fiction? And wait a minute, didn’t you tell me way back at Number 42 that I wasn’t supposed to read anything at all? And what is a mass market paperback anyway? A mass market […]
I went to the cemetery today with my badass friend Mary Jean: historic Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn, not that far from where we met and became friends as young moms 25 years ago. A few minutes into our old people-style trolley tour, I looked over to find Mary Jean had put on her sunglasses: How freaking […]
As you all know, I am completely perfect in every way. Moreover (can someone who uses the word moreover be truly perfect? never mind, must not get distracted. again.), my life has been problem-free since I reached the pinnacle of any writer’s career, turning my self-indulgent brilliant and effortless blog into a bestselling book. How […]
HNTAO afficionados know that the whole point of this blog is to point out new ways of not acting old. We don’t warn against stereotypical granny behavior — covering your furniture in plastic, sucking on hard candies — because, duh, we all know we’re not supposed to do that, right? Right??? So why are you […]
Today, the best thing you can do not to act old is to rush over to my brand new website, Ho Springs. Ho Springs is an online serialized novel that will be updated every day by me, with contributions from fabulous other writers like Benilde Little, who’s writing meth ho Taryn’s Little Black Book, and […]
In my never-ending quest for world domination to sell more books to make my readers’ lives even more wonderful, may I suggest you join a How Not To Act Old Meetup. If you’ve never heard of a Meetup, well, that’s all the more reason to hurry on down there because it’s a sign you might […]
